Here’s an interview I did with the Hangry Girl herself, “Kayla.” It was, uh, fun. Sort of.

Name: “Kayla”
Age: 23

How would you describe yourself physically?
I was a bit pale even before I got sick. When I stand tall, I’m 5’8” barefoot. I’ve got curves that would make you cry and I sometimes wear corsets to accentuate that. Not when I work though because that would get uncomfortable real quick. My hair is long, naturally black and wavy. My long, thin fingers and nail beds give the appearance of long nails without the fucking inconvenience. So basically, I’m hot shit.
What do you do for a living?
I’m a cocktail waitress at the shittiest fucking dive on the south side of Chicago.
Are you any good at it?
Hell yes!
Why?
‘Cause a bitch has to get paid. Tips don’t come to those that suck…unless they’re sucking a dick, and I don’t do that.
Irritating habits?
I clean, but I tend to keep stuff in the middle of the floor so I can find it easily. I read romance novels rather than watch TV, though it’s only irritating if you’re a douchebag that thinks romance equals smut. Speaking of smut, I also have sex dreams about guys that I hate. If you can help me ditch that habit, it’d be really fucking appreciated.
Eating habits?
Ugh! I used to love everything. Sushi, tacos, and you know it’s true what they say about Chicago pizza. Not the deep dish. That’s for tourists. The kind with the thin, crispy crust cut into squares. Lately, though, all I seem to want is meat. Usually beef. And everyday I prefer it rarer and rarer… Can a girl get a ribeye over here?
Sleeping habits?
I work night shifts — the money’s better — and I usually sleep from about 3 am ’til noon. When I can sleep. Since the German fuckboy came to house sit for his grandfather, I’ve had to listen to his antics until sunrise.
Hobbies? Activities? Crafts? Sports? Collect anything?
Music, books…I, uh, can draw pretty well. See my tattoo? I designed it.
Worst disappointment while growing up?
Let’s not go there.
I kind of have to. Really.
My mom…she never stood up for me when she should have. Leave it at that.
Major disappointment overall in life?
Myself.
Best things that happened while growing up?
You have got such a hard-on for my childhood, haven’t you? I left at sixteen. That should tell you something. Now, stop asking about my past.
Best events overall in life?
Still waiting…
Most shameful moment?
That sleeve I showed you? I designed it around that stupid four-leafed clover I got when I was crazy-drunk on St. Patty’s day.
Really? That’s it?
Nope. But I don’t like you well enough to tell you the truth.
What are your goals in life? In your job?
To make enough to leave the country. Where will you go? NOT Germany. Or Mexico… I think Rockabilly is popular in Japan, maybe. I could go there. Plus, I fucking love sushi.
Ever had a serious injury?
I said no questions about my past! You want me to give your bitch-ass a serious injury, don’t you?
Okay…uh…Ever had a serious illness?
Since whatever the fuck I currently have is the only time I’ve ever been sick, I’ll let you slide. But I’m warning you…
Did you change much after high sch— Nevermind. Who are you closest to?
BABOB
I’m sorry, who???
Big Ass Battery-Operated Boyfriend
Are you single? Married? Divorced? Widowed?
Can’t have a relationship when you can’t even tell a dude your real name.
Pets?
Nope. I kill plants, dude.
Ever hated anyone?
Yes. I hate two people more than anything. Then there’s someone else I hate, but it’s mostly because he annoys me. And, also, it’s his fault I’ve had to change BABOB’s batteries recently.
Who have you loved?
*death stare*
Ever felt guilt about love?
*makes throat-slicing gesture*
Have you ever betrayed anyone?
[barely audible] That’s how I got my ass placed here.
Ever witnessed or experienced violence? What was your reaction to seeing or experiencing that violence?
I’m currently unable to answer these particular nosy-ass questions. Thank fuck.
Ever committed a violent act?
*freezes in shock before regrouping* Maybe… or maybe I’m thinking of committing one right now…
Okay. I’m kinda done with your threats. It’s just an interview.
I wasn’t talking about you…this time. At least, I mean, not like that. Have you ever looked at someone and wondered what the tastiest parts of them would be? No?
You don’t mind if I cut to the last couple of questions and head out of here, do you?
Not at all. *licks lips*
I can’t tell if she’s horny or hungry. The oddest thing that has ever happened to you?
I was attacked coming home from work, blacked out, somehow ended up back home in my bed, and I’ve been craving bloody meat ever since.
Anything else, uh, interesting that you’d like to tell me?
Yeah…I’m fucking hungry.